Let Me Live Again
by Victoria.Annxx
Summary: Heidi's life was saved and now she wants to live her new life and move on from what happened with Jordan. Will she be able to do that or will he still find a way to destroy her life once again?
1. Chapter 1

Hope you like the last sequel cassie, thanks again for reading. Anyone who does stop and read these stories, please a review. It would mean a lot and I would like to know what you think of these stories.

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HEIDI

Things have been a lot better since Jordan left. I can now say his name without feeling upset or anxious about it. Actually when I do say his name or think about him, I don't feel upset or anxious, or angry; I don't feel anything at all. I feel nothing toward him, like you feel nothing toward a complete stranger. I remember everything that happened, and how it affected me and everybody else but for a few weeks now I have started to feel like I didn't know Jordan at all. I started to wonder if any of it was true but I couldn't ask Dean or anybody else because I didn't want them to get upset. Then I thought, it must have happened otherwise I wouldn't be hesitant about bringing it up. Maybe I've been feeling this way because since he left, nobody has brought up Jordan's name at all. Not even by accident or when talking about past memories of good times we have had together. Whenever we do talk about the past, I have noticed that any memories that have Jordan in are distorted in that he is no longer in them. Like he no longer exists.

And then I realised, he didn't exist anymore. For Dean and Michelle and Vince, and Lachie, Chase and Lara Jordan was a name they had never heard of before, except if it was a patient's name. Jordan, the person who had worked with rescue for seven years after being rescued by Dean; the person who Chase called his best guy friend; the person who you could go to if you missed last night's football game and you wanted to know who won; the person who had been a part of this team and who had been a friend to everybody at rescue. He was no longer a part of anybody's memories; they blocked everything about him out of their lives and moved on. But for me, it's not that easy. I can't just pretend it never happened because I know it did and I know that it is my fault that Jordan had to leave and that the team lost one of their friends. I have asked Dean before if people blame me for what happened, and whether they think it is my fault that Jordan had to leave. He looked shocked and immediately reassured me that nobody blamed me, nobody thought it was my fault that Jordan had to leave. He said that everybody knows Jordan brought it on himself and that it is his fault. He also told me that I had to stop blaming myself because it would only be unhealthy for me to keep doing so.

Anyway, I have managed to push it to the back of my mind. I know it happened but it isn't something that affects my everyday life anymore. I have been living with Dean since it all went down and it has been going very well. Everybody has started again, a new life and a new beginning and I don't want that to change.

DEAN

Since Heidi asked me whether people blame her for what happened to Jordan, I can't stop thinking about whether she listened to me or not. It wasn't her fault, none of it was. I know that she knows that everybody has completely erased Jordan out of their lives. Two months after Heidi's overdose, when she came back to work, Lachie told me that the whole team had agreed that from now on Jordan would be a stranger to them all. Nobody was going to bring his name up or mention him at all and that as far as they were concerned if anybody asked, they had never heard of him. I knew that part of it was about protecting Heidi but also protecting themselves. Everybody wanted to forget about what had happened because they didn't want to admit that they felt guilty. They felt guilty that they didn't know what had happened between Jordan and Heidi, because if they did they might have been able to stop the whole situation from escalating. But they couldn't have stopped it. Nothing could have stopped it because the wheels were already set in motion.

Since she came back, everybody has been watching over Heidi like they are her protectors. She doesn't go anywhere alone, not that she actually goes out at night anymore. She has become more like her old self over the past few months, but at the same time she has become so different. She no longer comes out with us for a drink after work, she isn't comfortable going out shopping on her own and she certainly isn't comfortable about treating male patients without one of us with her at all times. In fact she avoids all men like they are a deadly illness.

The first time we went out after Heidi had come back, she did come with us. We went to the bar we always went to and things were fine up till a point. She and Lara had gone to the bathroom and when they came out Lara had spotted an old friend of hers so they went over to say hello. Heidi just turned her back for a minute to see where we had moved to and when she looked back Lara and her friend had disappeared. Heidi had immediately started to panic and it only got worse when a guy at the bar got up and went towards her, especially when he introduced himself as Jordan. They were in a part of the bar with hardly any lighting and so Heidi couldn't see the guy's face properly and only had his voice to identify him from. To her it sounded a lot like Jordan's (Jordan Zwitowski) and if Chase hadn't have gone looking for both her and Lara at the same time I think Heidi would have come away more emotionally scarred than she was.

The guy was seriously hammered at the time and had forcefully tried to grab her to take her outside. He was speaking at the same time but Heidi couldn't understand what he was saying. Because of her already panicked state over thinking this guy was the real Jordan she forgot all about how to defend herself and backed into a corner trying to get away from him. Chase came around the corner, saw what was happening and decked the guy who was surprised by his sudden appearance. He got Heidi away from him and outside where she collapsed on to him. He sat her on the ground and called me. I came running outside with Lachie and Vince. Heidi couldn't do anything but just sit there and grab hold of me while I tried to ascertain what had happened.

She couldn't tell me much. All she could say was that Lara had left her before she started to cry. Chase had helped me get her to my car and I had taken her home while Chase stayed with Lachie and Vince at the bar as they tried to find witnesses to what had happened. They didn't have to look far. A guy approached them who asked Chase if the woman he had helped was okay. He said he saw the guy approach her but thought that he knew her because the blonde woman she was with had pointed her out to him. At the same time Lara reappeared and the man was quick to say that she was the blonde woman. Lara explained where she had been and had pointed Heidi out to her friend along with her friend's boyfriend and his best friend. While Vince tried not to have a coronary as he realised that Lara had caused the whole event, Chase quickly explained to Lara what had happened and what part she had played in it. Lara couldn't believe it, and had called me to apologize to Heidi, but I told her that she had fallen asleep and that it was best if she left Heidi alone for a couple of days. At this Lara was upset but she understood.

After that night it had taken Heidi a while to be able to be alone with Lara again but she had gradually regained trust in her. But even though she trusted Lara again, she had never been out with us since. She went out during the day when it was light but as soon as it went dark she got nervous. She had managed to stay out past dark when I was with her but only for short periods of time. She was getting better though, and every time it was a little longer. Soon Heidi had reached the point where she could be out in the dark till all hours, as long as I was with her and we weren't anywhere where we were likely to be accosted by drunken men. I am proud of her. She has overcome so much in the past year, and I don't know how she keeps going.


	2. Chapter 2

A COUPLE OF MONTHS LATER

The team had been called out to a serious multiple MVA where four people had already died; fifteen were trapped either in or under cars and only two people had been rescued so far by bystanders who had managed to help them out of a burning car before it exploded. Every available person was needed meaning that Vince and Michelle were out of the office, with Michelle having to help out as well as still taking calls from every media contact she knew and the governor of rescue operations. To top it off she had to try and answer questions from the hundreds of people who had gathered around the perimeter, terrified that their friends and relatives were involved.

The bodies of the four already deceased patients had been moved before too many people saw them, and had been put into the back of one of the ambulances which had taken them to a nearby hospital morgue before returning. However, nobody as of yet had been taken to hospital alive except for the two lucky people who had been helped. That left the seven rescue team members, only ten firies (due to a fire at a warehouse the other side of town), the available ambos and police officers (who weren't on crowd control or taking witness statements), to try and free the fifteen patients who were still trapped. Of these fifteen six were critical, three were stable but needed urgent transport to the hospital, five were injured but stable and just needed to be freed from the vehicles and one more person had just died. That left fourteen patients alive.

The firies were trying to help rescue to free the patients but at the same time were trying to get the fire caused by the explosion under control, but because of all the leaked petrol it was causing a major problem. The crowd perimeter had been moved back so far that those people could no longer see anything that was going on, and so some people had left and gone home or gone to higher ground for a better look. Things were getting heated (no pun intended) between all the different departments in that the firies were trying to get people to move faster in case there was another bigger explosion, rescue were trying to free people the safest way possible while getting told to hurry up by the firies which was making them frustrated and the ambos were trying to help rescue but were constantly in the way and weren't of much use until the patients were freed and transferred to the waiting ambulances. However, even though people getting freed was good it meant that they were losing ambos and so there was hardly anybody to look after the patients after they were freed.

Even though everybody was on their last nerve, they kept it together for the sake of their patients. Eventually after nearly five hours at the rescue site every patient had been freed from the cars and were safely in the hospital. The fourteen patients who were alive had all survived, and only five patients had died. Knowing that only one person had died though, when rescue was on scene had given them a small measure of happiness and relief. The rescue team had gone back to HQ, showered, got changed into civilian clothes and had sat around the briefing table. The whole time nobody said anything. However, everybody was thinking about things in their minds.

Dean's thoughts were about Heidi. He had worried about her the entire time they were out there because nobody was able to be with her while she was treating patients, and she had treated a couple of men. The MVA was too severe for people to be doubling up unless it was to help free someone from a car. Every spare moment he got he had looked over at her and hoped she was coping okay. A couple of times when he looked, she hadn't been there and his heart skipped a beat as he started anxiously scanning the area for any sign of her. When he had caught sight of her assisting at another car he had released the breath he didn't know he was holding and had been relieved that she was alright. However, he always noticed that her face looked visibly terrified. She had the same look on her face every time he looked, a look that said she didn't want to be where she was at that moment, that she wished she was with somebody she knew. But she had always carried on and had completed the job she was meant to do.

Looking at her now, nobody could see that she was upset, that she was scared. Nobody but Dean. He had lived with her for almost a year now and had gotten good at knowing when Heidi was hiding something. He knew that she didn't want people to know how scared she was because she didn't want them all worrying about her, when they were all probably feeling similar to her themselves. She didn't want it all to be about her. Dean knew that she was trying to be as normal as possible and that it wasn't easy when everybody was constantly observing you for signs of a breakdown. He had decided to talk to her when they were in the privacy of their own home and where she was most likely to open up to him.

Michelle had started the briefing by telling them all what a good job they had done and that this was an example of how well they worked together as a team. Everybody had then pretty much started talking about how successful the rescue had been, and then the talk turned to what people were doing over the weekend. Because of today the team had been given the weekend off, including Michelle by the rescue committee board who had decided that they deserved a break. After that everybody had left either separately or together, like Chase and Lachie, and Dean and Heidi.

AT HOME – DEAN AND HEIDI

Heidi hadn't said a word all the way home. She just sat quietly, staring out the window and I noticed her hands shaking a little. When we got back I got out of the car and went round to her side because she hadn't registered that the car had stopped, she was still staring out the window. I opened the door, undid her seatbelt and lifted her head to look at me.

Dean: 'Heidi, talk to me.'

Heidi: 'I treated two men today. And they didn't hurt me. I touched them and I let them touch me. And they didn't hurt me. And I don't understand why.'

Tears started falling down her cheeks so I helped her out of the car and took her inside. We went over to the sofa and sat down, and I held my arms open to her and she fell into them.

Dean: 'They didn't hurt you because they were decent kind people who were very grateful that you were helping them. They were in a position in which they couldn't help themselves, they were hurt and scared and needed somebody to tell them that they were going to be okay, that they were going to come out of the situation alive and they had that. They had you. They didn't want or need to hurt you. There are so many men out there who aren't like Jordan.'

At the mention of Jordan's name, Heidi was surprised and looked up at him. He smiled at her and knew she was confused at why he brought up Jordan's name.

Dean: 'Everybody has been acting like Jordan doesn't exist anymore, but the truth is he does. He may not live in Sydney or be part of this team but he is still in existence. Everybody knows that, and try as they might they can't shut that out of their lives. It's just, they don't want to bring it up in front of each other in case nobody else is thinking about it, they don't want to be the only one.'

Heidi: 'A couple of months ago I wasn't sure if any of what happened was true. I didn't know if it actually happened or whether it was all in my head. But I didn't want to ask anybody because I didn't want them to be upset. Then, when I thought about it, I thought it had to be true if I was worried about making you all upset. But I couldn't talk about it when I wanted to. I don't want everybody to block Jordan out of their lives because there is always a very real possibility that he will come back, and if he does how will they cope with that if he hasn't existed in their lives all this time?'

Dean: 'You want them to remember Jordan?'

Heidi: 'Yes. I don't want them to remove him from every memory they have or to act like they've never heard of him if somebody asks. I especially don't want them to do it if they think it is what I want. I want to be able to move on properly, but I can't do that if every time they hear his name they are going to deny the truth.'

Dean: 'You know, you must be the first woman I've ever met who doesn't want to forget the man who put her through so much pain.'

Heidi: 'What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

At this Dean laughed and Heidi smiled. He promised to talk to the team about it, and he also told her that if she ever wanted to talk about Jordan he was here and listening. Just hearing those words made her feel better because she knew that she didn't have to keep it all to herself any longer. So later on that night when they were sat in front of the television, she started to talk to Dean about Jordan, about everything she had been thinking about and feeling the past couple of months. And he sat with her in his arms and listened to every word.


	3. Chapter 3

THE NEXT DAY

In the morning Heidi felt so much better after talking to Dean. Just knowing that he was there and that she could talk to him made her feel better because she knew she didn't have to keep it all to herself anymore. She had told him about how she had felt when looking through her photo albums, looking at all the pictures of Jordan she had; how she felt when she had one of those days where everything that happened suddenly came back to her all at once and all she did was cry and wonder why it had to be her; and she told him about how she felt every time she looked at the fifteen centimetre scar that was on her arm. That was the biggest thing, it was a constant reminder. Over time though she had learned to disassociate the scar with the past events and that had made looking at it every day a lot easier to deal with. But it hadn't taken the feelings away. She still remembered what she felt on the night that it happened.

Heidi had told Dean all of this and he had listened to her without interrupting. When she had finished he had hugged her and said that she could have told him what she had been feeling about the scar a lot sooner. She had replied that she didn't want to make him worried about her and that she could deal with it when she had to. Dean had said that he will always worry about her no matter how okay she was and that she didn't need to deal with it on her own.

LATER ON

When Jordan had called, Heidi had been at home by herself as Dean was still at rescue finishing off some paperwork. It was about six o'clock and when her mobile rang she picked it up without even looking at the caller ID, thinking it was Dean telling her when he would be home. The fact that it could be Jordan hadn't crossed her mind in a long time so when she answered after the first ring she wasn't expecting to hear his voice on the other end. After all, it had been eleven months since she had even heard his voice but she could still remember it clear as day.

When she first heard him she had dropped the phone and had stood there in shock for a couple of minutes at least. Eventually she had picked the phone back up and had said his name into the speaker. When he had responded she had started crying and asking him why he couldn't just leave her alone. She told him that he had ruined her life once before and now he was doing it again just when she had moved on from it all. She was getting more upset the longer she stayed on the phone with him and it only got worse when he started to apologize.

He said he was sorry over and over again and begged her to hear him out. Her crying had gotten more hysterical but Jordan tried to make himself heard. He started to say again how sorry he was and how being in Darwin had changed him a lot from the person he used to be. He tried to say something else but before he could Heidi hung up on him and fell onto the floor in tears. She couldn't believe what she had just heard him say and this pushed her over the edge to the point where she started clawing at her arms and wishing she had never picked up the phone in the first place.

When she had eventually calmed down enough to be able to think clearly she slowly sat up and seeing what she had done to her arms put her sweatshirt on and retrieved her phone from when she had thrown it away from her after hanging up on Jordan. She was still crying and her hands were shaking when she called Dean, because she didn't want to be alone and knew that he would know what to do. When he answered she could barely speak because she was crying, and she hadn't been able to say anything except for one thing - Jordan.

When Heidi had called, Dean had nearly finished his paperwork. It had taken him longer than usual because Lara had been at special ops with him also doing paperwork, as well as talking to Dean about the date she had gone on the night before. Dean had tried to multi-task but had given up. So he had sat listening to Lara while an hour went by and when she had finished he realised he could have finished his work twenty minutes earlier. But he had been a good friend instead and had given up his time to listen to her. They had both then decided to finish the paperwork together as it would take them less time. They were doing well when Dean's mobile rang. When he saw the caller ID he knew something was wrong. Heidi never called him when he was finishing paperwork because she knew he would use it as a distraction from doing something he hated, so instead he called her when he was leaving to let her know when he would be home. So when he saw her name flash across the screen he immediately tensed and sat up. Lara saw his reaction and looked at him with a question mark on her face, wanting to know what had got his attention.

When he answered the call the first thing her heard was her crying which confirmed the fear growing inside him that something was wrong. He said her name but she couldn't answer him, just kept crying. He talked to her letting her know he was still there and eventually she said the only thing she could. When he heard her say Jordan he practically jumped out of his chair, grabbed his jacket and made for the door with Lara closely following him. They got into his car, with Dean still on the phone with Heidi not wanting to hang up on her. He put the call on speaker phone and passed the phone to Lara so he could drive. When Lara heard Heidi crying her face contorted into a pained expression and looked at Dean who was driving dangerously over the speed limit. He looked over at her and she saw his expression mirrored hers, but also contained anger. Lara had only ever seen that expression on his face once and that was eleven months ago. She knew that whatever was wrong with Heidi had something to do with Jordan.

Dean got to his house in a record of under seven minutes, faster than he had arrived anywhere. Before they had gotten out of the car the door to the house opened and Heidi came running out and Dean ran to meet her. She threw her arms round his neck and he held her close as she hugged him. She was still crying and Dean could feel her shaking. He took her inside and Lara followed him shutting the door behind her.

HALF AN HOUR LATER

When they went inside Dean had managed to calm Heidi down enough to get her to tell him what had happened. After she had told him everything he had gotten up to get her a glass of water while Lara stayed with Heidi. He knew that giving them some time alone together might be a good idea because if there was anything Heidi was keeping from him, which he doubted, she was likely to tell Lara. He could see them talking from the kitchen, Heidi wasn't saying much but Lara seemed to be keeping her going, so decided to call the station manager in Darwin, Jordan's boss to ask him what the hell was going on and why Jordan had called Heidi.

Ten minutes later he had gone back into the lounge with the glass of water for Heidi and an expression on his face that Lara could immediately identify as his pissed off face. He sat down and told Heidi and Lara about the phone conversation he had just had with Neil Larson, the station manager in Darwin. He said that Larson knew nothing about Jordan calling Heidi or planning to call her, but he had confirmed that Jordan had talked to him about how sorry he had been feeling recently over the whole mess he had left behind in Sydney. Larson had also told Dean that Jordan had been having mandatory therapy sessions every week since he arrived to deal with his problems. He said that Jordan had been making incredible progress and that he was a different guy from the person who arrived eleven months ago at his station. They had ended the conversation by Dean asking Larson to keep him informed about Jordan and Larson promising he would and also saying he would talk to Jordan about not making any more calls to Heidi. He had added on at the end that he would have done it sooner but he didn't think that Jordan would actually decide to try and make contact with her or anybody else back in Sydney, let alone eleven months later, because he knew how much damage he had caused.

Dean could tell that after Heidi heard this she had relaxed a little, probably because she knew he wouldn't call her again. He could also tell that she was still jittery because of the adrenaline flowing through her body. He suggested that she have a bath to calm her self down and to help the adrenaline disappear. She hadn't said anything, only nodded her head in agreement, and Dean took her hand and squeezed it letting her know he would be right here if she needed him. She stood up and Lara hugged her saying that she was glad Heidi was okay. Heidi then left the room and Lara sat down in the space Heidi had just vacated and Dean turned to face her after he heard the bathroom door close and the water start running.

Dean: 'What did she say?'

Lara: 'Not much, but what I could get her to say was that she was scared. She thought that because she didn't hang up on him the second she knew it was him, that it meant she wanted him to ring. That she wanted to speak to him. She was terrified that people would think that it was her fault, like maybe she encouraged him.'

Dean: 'What did you tell her?'

Lara: 'That nobody would ever think that. You know it breaks my heart to see her so vulnerable, it's just like looking into the past.'

She was referencing eleven months ago, the first time Heidi broke down in front of her. She had hoped to never see her like that again because it made her feel useless, like she couldn't do anything to stop the pain that Heidi was feeling.

Dean: 'You know what breaks my heart? I thought that she was finally safe from him when he was transferred. But three weeks after he leaves she's in the hospital because of him; she doesn't come out anymore in fear of getting accosted by men because she can't trust them; and now he calls her out of the blue, nearly destroying all the progress she's made since he left. You know I almost want him to come back just so I can inflict on him the same amount of pain he's caused her and worse.'

They sat talking for a while longer, Dean wanting Lara to stay until Heidi got out of the bath just so he knew she was okay. He needed the distraction so that he didn't go checking on her every five minutes until she got out. The point of the bath was to help calm her down, not make her more paranoid.

Half an hour later Dean and Lara were still talking and were so immersed in their conversation that they didn't hear Heidi get out of the bath. Lara was the first to notice her as she came into the lounge. Dean saw her glance past him and turned around. He noticed that her hands had stopped shaking but that she had gone really pale. He saw that Lara had also picked up on this but didn't say anything, thinking it was because she was tired.

Dean: 'Hey, you feeling better.'

Heidi nodded.

Lara: 'Come sit down.'

Dean moved up so that he was in the middle, and Heidi came and sat down next to him. He put her arm around her and she settled down so that her head was on his chest, taking comfort in the warmth of his body and the safe and secure feeling that she felt when she was close to him and his arm was around her. Dean and Lara exchanged looks over the fact that she hadn't said anything, especially as she had been so quiet before.

Lara: 'You okay?'

Heidi nodded again.

Heidi: 'Yeah.'

Dean: 'You sure?'

Heidi looked at him and he realised that she wasn't okay. He also realised that she couldn't say anything in front of Lara, and that's when he clicked. Lara knew what had happened when Heidi had cut herself on the broken glass but she didn't know about the feelings Heidi had when it had happened because Heidi only told Dean. Nobody else knew. He knew that she needed to talk but she couldn't while Lara was there. So instead Dean answered his own question, hoping that Lara would get the hint to leave.

Dean: 'You're probably tired. I'll call Michelle in the morning and tell her that we'll be in late, it'll give you a bit longer to get ready.'

Lara: 'No need, I'll tell her. You just come in whenever you're ready. She'll understand. Do you want me to tell her why?'

Dean looked at Heidi who nodded that it was okay.

Dean: 'Yeah, you can mention what happened and I'll fill her in properly when I get there. Can you also tell the team. They need to know what happened.'

Lara: 'Are you sure?'

Dean: 'Yeah, there shouldn't be any secrets concerning Jordan between us. I want everybody to know that whatever they feel about him they can talk about it. It's nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of.'

Lara: 'Okay.'

After that she decided to leave and let Heidi get some sleep. She said goodbye and after Dean had shut the front door, he had gone back to Heidi who was still sitting on the sofa. He sat next to her and took her hand in his, letting her know she could tell him.

Heidi: 'I remembered what it felt like. I remembered it felt like I was dreaming. Nothing else mattered and everything was peaceful. I wanted to feel that again; just for a little while I wanted to feel nothing. To forget about the phone call like it never happened.'

Dean: 'Heidi what did you do?'

Instead of answering him she took of her sweatshirt and showed him. When he saw the scratch marks covering her arms he knew what she had done. She couldn't look at him but he could see the tears falling down her face. He reached out and gently wiped them away before taking hold of her hands and making her turn to face him. He told her that it was okay and that she didn't have to feel guilty. He said she was very brave for telling him and thanked her that she hadn't kept it from him. This was the first time she had done anything, that he knew of, since that first night eleven months ago. They talked some more about how Heidi was feeling and how they would move on and not let this affect her. He was going to watch her extra closely for the next weeks to make sure she was okay, but from what he could ascertain he knew that what she did was a response to Jordan calling. He hoped that as long as she could get past that she should be okay.

But he knew that it wasn't an exact thing. What Heidi was going through wasn't just something that went away easily. As they went up to bed a couple of hours later Dean thought how lucky Jordan was to be thousands of miles away in Darwin because if he was any closer and Dean could get to him easily he knew he would take Vince with him and not stop him from attacking Jordan, even if it meant that Jordan ended up in the hospital or dead. He didn't really care about Jordan supposedly having had a change of personality and claiming to be rehabilitated, he was the reason Heidi had hurt herself again and for Dean that wasn't okay.


	4. Chapter 4

THREE MONTHS LATER

Three months had passed since Jordan had called Heidi. He hadn't called again, but Heidi had still been on edge and she wasn't able to answer any phones in case it was him. It had made her feel safer when Dean reprogrammed her mobile to only ring when it was him or someone else from the team: if anybody else tried to call then they would get cut off. He did that the day after it had happened, and last month Heidi finally thought it was safe enough to pick up her phone and take it to work with her. But even though her confidence had come back, she was still very nervous and Dean was also more worried about her than usual after what she had told him that night.

FLASHBACK

He had kept her close for the few weeks following, as he had decided before, when they were on call outs and had encouraged her to talk to him each night about how she felt the day had gone. His worries had settled when she told him that she felt okay, and the need for the feelings to come back had gone, and when she also told him that she hadn't done anything. She had been quieter than she usually was, but Dean had known that by the end of the week she would have been back to normal. She had had days like that before, and usually the next week it was like she was a different person. He knew it helped a lot having the whole team to talk to instead of just him. It meant that if he wasn't around then she could still talk to someone and not keep her thoughts to herself, because Dean knew that if she started to do that again then she might start keeping more and more things from him. And the more she kept to herself, the less chance he had of helping her. However Dean also knew that Heidi had enough trust in him to actually tell him if she was ever thinking that that might happen.

END OF FLASHBACK

This morning Dean noticed that Heidi seemed to be in an exceptionally brighter mood than the past few months; he couldn't think of the last time he had seen her like this. Today they had both gotten ready for work the same way they had done before Jordan's call disrupted their routine, and Heidi had even laughed at something on the radio, a sound which Dean loved to hear. She had a way of lighting up a room with her smile whenever she walked in, and this was one thing that everybody missed when she was having a bad few days. However, there was something that Dean needed to talk to her about before they went to work. He wanted to know where she had gone last night.

He had heard the front door open and close at around one in the morning and had gotten up to see what it was. He looked in Heidi's room and had seen her empty bed, which had prompted him to go straight to the door and open it himself. He saw her walk down the street to the left and turn left again at the corner, but he had decided not to follow her, instead making a mental note to ask her in the morning. Dean thought that by following her, it showed that he didn't trust her and the one important rule with trust is that it goes both ways. How could he expect her to trust him, if she knew that he didn't trust her? After he had decided this, he had gone back to bed, but had listened out for when Heidi had come back. He had heard the door open again at around half two and had heard Heidi go back into her room and shut the door. He had waited until he thought she might be asleep and had gotten up to check on her. He quietly opened her door and looked in to the room where he saw her asleep on top of her covers. He had stayed there for a few minutes, watching her chest rise and fall as she slept and had then gone back into his own room, now a lot calmer knowing that she was at home, safe. As he had closed the door, he hadn't noticed Heidi open her eyes and turn to look at him as he left, having been awake the whole time.

So this morning, Dean had casually brought it up as they were nearly finished getting ready for work. After he had mentioned it Heidi had stopped what she was doing, and looked at him. She knew what he was talking about. She had a feeling he would ask her about it after he had left her room last night. After he had closed the door, Heidi had laid there thinking about when he would bring it up. She knew he wouldn't just leave it but she knew it would be out of concern more than just wanting to know where she had gone in the middle of the night. Especially as she was usually so cautious about going out without him. She didn't have a problem telling him where she had gone, it was more the fact that she would have to tell him that last night wasn't the first time. Heidi didn't want Dean to feel like she didn't trust him, because he was the one person in the world she trusted more than anybody. She had told him things that she had never told anyone else, not even her family, so she wanted it to be clear that this wasn't a secret she deliberately kept from him. The reason she went out so late is because she knew that there would never be anybody there at that time. She would be alone, and she wouldn't be in an area where she was likely to bump into drunken men coming out of bars and clubs. It was one of the only places she could go to be alone and feel safe, the other two being home and rescue HQ. Heidi had walked over to the sofa and sat down, Dean following, and she proceeded to explain to him where she went and why.

Heidi: 'For the past month or so, I've been going to the beach. I go and sit between the dunes where it is quiet because the sound of the ocean is blocked out by the sand. It is so peaceful. I can watch the ocean and think about things at the same time because the silence is so. . . .so inviting. It's why I went back the second time, and why I have been going back since. I go a few times a week, and I always go out at the same time. I always take the same route, it's a safety measure. I know I can never get lost or accidentally end up in the wrong area.

The first time I went, you were out with the team at the bar near the multi-plex. I had been thinking about trying to go out by myself for a while, I just wanted to be able to go out with you guys again. Anyway I thought that that night was as good as any. So I walked out of the door and kept walking. I had already decided to try and make it to the beach, thinking if I could make it that far without getting scared then I could go out to other places as well. And I did. I made it. When I realised that I had just walked by myself from here to the beach I was so happy, because I finally felt like I had some of my independence back.

I sat down and watched the waves crash against the rocks, and thought about what it would mean if I could do it more often. Go down there and just sit, not having to worry about anything. I didn't worry when I walked back either, I just did it. I then started going more frequently, but I could never get myself to try going during the day. That's something that I wish I could do, and want to do, but right now. . . .I don't know if I could get up, walk out the door and walk down to the beach like I did that first night, just like that.'

When she had finished, Dean sat there with a smile on his face. He didn't have to say anything because that smile told Heidi exactly what she needed to know. He was so proud of her. He had never known anyone with the strength she had to carry on through hard times. It was only three months ago that she couldn't bring herself to leave the house without him. Now, she could go down to the beach by herself and not worry about what could happen.

When he gained the ability to speak again, they both sat talking for a bit longer about how happy she was that she could finally leave the house without getting scared and also about when she wanted to try coming out with the team again. When they next looked at the clock they realised they were nearly half an hour late for work and so ran out of the house to the car, laughing about how Vince would kill them if they weren't there soon.

AT WORK

Dean and Heidi arrived to see Vince glaring at them and the rest of the team trying to keep a straight face. Everybody knew that Vince was always close to having a heart attack when people were late because it was him that Michelle would hassle if she saw that somebody wasn't there on time. It seemed that this particular morning Michelle had done just that. Dean and Heidi both walked in trying very hard not to laugh and went straight to their desks and sat down, deciding it would be a good idea to get on with some paperwork so that Vince's head didn't start to spin around if he found out that they were behind on that as well as being late. He watched them while they did this however he found it hard to be mad at them for long, especially as he hadn't seen Heidi this happy in a couple of months at least. If Heidi was happy, he was happy which put him in a good mood. It also let both Dean and Heidi off the hook for being late, even if Michelle had nearly gone postal on him which he decided to put down to the meeting she had with the minister this morning which he knew she hated. She was stressed, let her blow off some steam, even if it was aimed at him.

It had been a quiet few hours due to a lack of callouts so everybody was busy doing paperwork and talking about random things, passing the time. Nobody was complaining, last week was particularly hectic so they were grateful for the relaxation time which was something they took for granted when it came along, usually only once in a blue moon. They were enjoying it however, until Chase had jinxed it by saying how quiet it had been. The whole team had stopped what they were doing and turned to look at him all at once.

Dean: 'Chase, have I ever told you what an idiot you are sometimes.'

Chase: 'What? I only said it was -'

Vince: 'Don't even think about finishing that sentence you goose!'

Chase: 'Why not?'

Lara and Lachie were laughing too hard, so Heidi stifled a laugh of her own and explained to the very confused Chase what the problem was.

Heidi: 'Chase, you said the Q word. You never say the Q word in this line of work. It's a jinx.'

Chase suddenly caught on to what Heidi had said and clasped his hand over his mouth while grinning sheepishly.

Chase: 'Oops.'

All of a sudden Vince's work phone started ringing. Five seconds later so did half the phones in the bullpen. Again everybody looked at Chase.

Vince: 'Yeah, oops.'

ON THE WAY TO THE ACCIDENT SCENE

Dean, Heidi and Chase took one patrol and Lara and Lachie took the other. On the way Dean had explained to Chase the importance of not saying anything about the lack of rescues even if it is quiet because like he had just seen, it jinxes everything. Heidi was in the passenger seat and had been looking out the window the entire time laughing to herself, trying to stop because Chase was getting told off but not being able to on account of him being taught the importance of 'the Q word'. Chase however had already seen her.

Chase: 'Alright little miss giggles, you can stop now. It's not that funny.'

Heidi replied while still laughing.

Heidi: 'Yeah it is.'

Dean looked over at Heidi and saw her start laughing out loud and couldn't help but join in. Chase however didn't see the funny side.

Chase: 'Yeah yeah, laugh at my embarrassment. Everybody thinks this is my fault. Did you see the way Vince looked at me as we left? He's gonna have me cleaning the patrols and the gear and doing paperwork for a month! No, make that two months!'

Dean was still laughing but managed to say a few words that left Chase glaring at him.

Dean: 'Well at least you have learnt the meaning of the word quiet, even if it is after you left school.'

At this Dean grinned at him through the rear-view mirror and Heidi was in a new fit of laughter, which put questioning looks on Lara and Lachie's faces as they came up beside the patrol at a set of traffic lights.


	5. Chapter 5

AT THE ACCIDENT SCENE

They had been at the scene for nearly five hours. Everybody was starting to get tired and were having to try really hard to keep their tempers in front of the patients as well as their worried families who kept on asking them lots of questions that rescue couldn't answer or had already answered. The whole team was close to losing their rag, even Michelle who was normally the one person who always kept her calm at any rescue site.

The scene was at Matthews and Holden Law Firm, a business that occupied seven levels of a twenty two storey building which also housed an accountancy firm and gaming software business. There had been an explosion on the sixth level of the law firm which was situated at the top of the building, causing the floor and ceiling to come crashing down through the rest of the law firm and through the top level of the accountancy firm. There had been over two hundred employees in the building at the time, most of whom had been evacuated. The employees from the gaming software company which was located in the basement and first couple of levels of the building all escaped unscathed, and so did all of the employees who were with the accountancy firm as the top floor of their business was used as storage so nobody worked up there. The only injured employees were part of the law firm. Rescue were glad of that as it made their job easier to find out which employees were either accounted for, dead or still missing. There were ninety two employees from the law firm in the building when the explosion happened. Fifty seven people had been evacuated alive and were being treated and then sent to the hospital, twenty one had been confirmed as deceased and thirteen were still missing.

That left rescue still trying to locate the missing employees as well as help the ambos to treat the injured patients and help families to identify their deceased relatives. That would normally be done at the coroner's office but because of the number of deceased it was easier to confirm their identities at the scene and then get them relocated to the mortuary. Hence the reason why the team was looking forward to the day ending.

The team was preparing to go back into the building in order to try and find the missing employees and get them out, hopefully alive, but they had to wait for the all clear from the firies. Because of an accident this big every rescue outfit that was there were all doing things by the book, and respecting their individual jobs. Ordinarily rescue would be in the building with the firies as they cleared an area so that they had a bigger chance of finding survivors; however because the explosion was already on the news and it was being treated as deliberate, they had to do everything right in case they became important witnesses in a police investigation.

Dean, Heidi and Lachie were going in as team alpha and Lara and Chase were going in as team delta. They were to stay in radio contact at all times and both teams would stay on the same floor and clear the area together, rather than lose each other on different floors of a very unstable building.

ONE HOUR LATER - FIVE HOURS AND FORTY SEVEN MINUTES AT THE RESCUE SITE

The team had found nine of the missing employees alive and two deceased leaving two people still unaccounted for. Dean's team were searching the east side of the last level while Lara and Chase searched the west. This level was the most destroyed out of them all, and so everybody was being extremely careful not to create loud movements which would create further instability to the floor.

Dean: 'Rescue portable one to rescue portable two, Lara anything?'

Lara: 'Rescue portable two to rescue portable one that's a negative Dean. It doesn't look like this floor was used much at all, just storage maybe. I doubt that the missing employees could be up here.'

Dean: 'Copy that rescue portable two. Keep on looking Lara, as long as we clear the level and are sure they aren't up here then we'll have to try the other levels again. The only problem is I don't know how long we can stay up here with it so unstable.'

Lara: 'How about we give it another half an hour. If we don't find them then we go back down through the other levels and try again after the building is made more secure. However I don't know how long they could survive if they aren't dead already.'

Dean: 'I hear you. Half an hour max, and we'll meet by the stairs.'

Lara: 'Copy rescue portable one.'

They both disconnected and Dean turned to Heidi and Lachie.

Dean: 'You hear that.'

Lachie: 'Yep, half an hour. Although looking at the way this level is messed up, I'd say this was where the explosion originated. If these two employees were on this floor when that happened, they didn't survive it.'

Heidi: 'I know they didn't.'

Dean and Lachie both turned to look at Heidi, who was staring down through a huge gap in the floor. They carefully walked over to her and when they looked down to the next level, they saw the charred remains of the two missing employees, Caitlyn Walker and Josie Adams.

Dean: 'Looks like you were right. How did we miss them when we searched that level?'

Lachie: 'No idea. But we've found them.'

Just as Dean was about to radio Lara and let her and Chase know that they had found the two missing employees, they heard a low rumble as the floor where Lachie stood gave way. Heidi gasped and Dean swore as Lachie fell through the gap, but managed to grab hold of the remaining floor long enough for both Dean and Heidi to pull him up.

Dean: 'You okay mate?!'

Lachie: 'Yeah, but I think we need to leave now.'

Dean: 'Definitely.'

Lara: 'Rescue portable two to rescue portable one, Dean did you feel that?'

Dean: 'Rescue portable one to rescue portable two yeah we did. It almost sent Lachie through a hole in the floor.'

Lara: 'Is he alright?'

Dean: 'Yeah he's fine. However the two missing employees aren't so lucky.'

Lara: 'You found them.'

Dean: 'Yeah. Looks like they died in the blast. It's not safe to stay up here, so we're gonna leave and when the building is secured we'll come back for the bodies.'

Lara: 'I agree. We'll see you in a -'

They heard another rumble, this one louder than the last and Dean turned around in time to see the floor give way separating him from Lachie and Heidi, and watched as they both fell through the floor to the lower level, Heidi's screams echoing through the walls.

Lara and Chase heard Heidi scream through the radio as well as hearing it reverberate round the level. They looked at each other and started carefully making their way to where Deans's position was.

As they were doing that Dean had dropped everything and had rushed over to the collapsed floor and saw Lachie lying a few feet away from the missing employees remains, Heidi slightly on top of him. Neither of them were moving.

Dean: 'Lachie! Heidi!'

He shouted down to them to try and get them to respond to him but they both stayed silent. He could see blood pooling under the left side of Lachie's face, but as for Heidi she was too obscured for him to see anything. Lara and Chase arrived and went over to Dean, joining him on the floor and looking down anxiously to see their two team members unconscious and hurt.

Lara: 'Are they okay?'

Dean: 'They're both unconscious, and I can see blood coming from Lachie's left side of his head. I can't see Heidi clearly enough to make out any injuries. We need to get down to them and get them out now. I'm not sure how much longer this building will be stable for.'

Lara: 'How? We don't know exactly where they are on the floor below.'

Dean: 'I'll jump down. You and Chase go down the stairs and get to us from there. Also radio Vince and Michelle, let them know we've found the missing employees and tell them what's happening with Heidi and Lachie. We're gonna need space when we bring them out. If they're still unconscious then there's gonna be a circus.'

Lara: 'On it. I'll throw you a kit when you get down there.'

Dean sat down on the edge of the gap, careful so as not to disrupt the remaining stability left. He then shuffled slowly forward and pushed himself off with his hands, landing just next to Heidi and Lachie with a small thud. Lara then threw him a rescue kit and then proceeded to make her way over to the stairs with Chase, radioing Vince at the same time.

Dean: 'Lachie, Heidi, its Dean. If you can hear me say something.'

He heard nothing from Heidi but Lachie started to groan a little and Dean moved to the other side to assess his head injury. Lachie opened his eyes and looked around in confusion as to what had happened. Dean explained that he and Heidi had fallen through the floor and that he had been unconscious for a few minutes. Lachie's head injury didn't look too serious, just a small cut above his eyebrow. He would most likely have a concussion for a couple of days. When he had managed to apply a pressure bandage to the cut and Lachie assured him that he was fine everywhere else Dean moved on to Heidi.

It was a bit trickier to assess Heidi's injuries as she was lying at an awkward angle and her body was half on Lachie's, and she was still unconscious. Dean decided that he wasn't going to risk moving her and injuring her or Lachie further. Instead he looked her over where she was, waiting for Lara and Chase to get there before moving her. He saw that her left arm was bent out of shape slightly, and a quick once over told Dean that her ulna had a radiating fracture from her wrist to her elbow. That was going to take a few weeks to heal. Other than that he could see a cut on her face in around the same place as Lachie's, only a bit bigger. She was probably going to have a concussion as well.

By the time Dean had finished Lara and Chase had arrived. He updated them on Lachie and Heidi's conditions, and when they made sure that Lachie was okay Dean, Lara and Chase carefully moved Heidi off of Lachie and turned her onto her back. They made sure that she had no spinal injuries, and while Dean and Lara did the same with Lachie, Chase checked her vitals and put her arm into a splint. As Dean and Lara finished assessing Lachie and were happy for him to sit up, Heidi started to wake up so Dean went back over to her.

It took Heidi a couple of minutes to fully wake up and adjust to where she was, and when Dean had made sure that she wasn't going to lose consciousness again he and Chase gently helped her to sit up, with Chase sitting behind her to support her as she wasn't too steady yet. They started to pack everything away so that they could move and get out of the building, when Lara realised that Lachie couldn't stand up. Upon further questioning and Lara assessing him again she discovered that he had broken his left leg in the fall. Dean wasn't impressed.

Dean: 'Why didn't you say anything before!'

Lachie: 'Because a broken leg wasn't going to kill me, and Heidi was still unconscious. She needed your attention more than me.'

Chase: 'Always got to be the brave macho man.'

Dean: 'Right well at the moment we aren't going anywhere. We'll have to get somebody to bring a spine board up and we'll carry you out that way.'

Lachie: 'No way. This building could collapse at any minute. You get Heidi out of here and come back for me. Nobody else is coming into this building and risking their life for me.'

Heidi: 'Lachie, I don't want to go without you.'

When Heidi spoke everyone turned to look at her. She was still leaning against Chase but had moved with his help to sit up more and turned to face Lachie.

Heidi: 'I'm not leaving if you aren't. You may have got your way in the army but now you are part of rescue. And in rescue we don't leave anyone behind.'

Lachie smiled at her and reached out his hand. She took it and smiled back at him.

Lachie: 'Okay, so what do we do.'

Lara: 'I can help Heidi down the stairs and support her. Dean and Chase can help you and we'll go slowly. It will take longer but it will be safer, and that way nobody is left in the building.'

Dean though it over and eventually agreed that it was the only way that they could get both Lachie and Heidi out of the building safely. Once all the gear had been packed up and everybody was happy with the plan Chase and Dean helped Heidi to stand up, and once she had adjusted Lara took over from them and they stepped away. They waited a couple of minutes to make sure that Heidi could with Lara's help, and then she and Lara started walking over to the stairwell while Dean and Chase got Lachie up and in a position that they could support him down the stairs.

When they were all at the stairwell they began the slow careful descent down the stairs. When they got to the bottom and everybody was okay to keep going without stopping for a bit Lara led the way to a fire exit that was at the back of the building near another flight of stairs on the ground floor. She said that Vince had found it on the blueprints for the building while looking for another way for them to get out. He and Michelle would be waiting for them along with a couple of ambulances.

Sure enough when they made it to the fire exit and Lara opened the door Vince and Michelle rushed forward to help. Michelle helped Lara to get Heidi to one of the ambulances and Vince got the ambos to bring a stretcher over to the boys so that they could get Lachie on it. Chase said that he would go with Lachie to the hospital so Dean could go with Heidi, and Michelle told them that their reports could wait. After watching the ambulances leave the others went back round to the front of the building to help clear up the scene and pack up the patrols to go back to HQ. In total twenty five people had died and sixty six people had been saved. Considering the amount of damage the explosion had done to the building the team thought that losing only twenty five people was quite good, twenty three if they didn't count the last two employees who had died immediately with the blast.

Driving back they all hoped that Heidi and Lachie would be fine. Heidi's arm would be properly bandaged and splinted after an X-ray confirmed the fractured ulna, and Lachie would have his leg in a cast for a while. But it was their concussions that were worrying Vince, Michelle and Lara. They knew that concussions weren't life threatening, but they also knew that they could escalate and therefore become life threatening. But they also knew that Lachie and Heidi were tough and they had Chase and Dean with them.

However in Lachie's ambulance, after the ambos had knocked him out with painkillers Chase couldn't help but think that this was his fault. He wished that time could rewind itself and he was back to six hours earlier when he, Dean and Heidi were on their way to the scene, and Heidi and Dean were both laughing at him for jinxing the rescue, and Lara and Lachie had looked at them like they were nuts in the car. He wished he would have joined in with their laughing, but better still, he wished he had never said that it was quiet, because if he hadn't of jinxed them, they would never have been at the scene and Heidi and Lachie would never have been hurt.


	6. Chapter 6

AT HOME

Dean and Heidi had gotten home from the hospital at around nine pm. The doctors had done scans and some blood tests and confirmed that Heidi had a serious but stable concussion. She would have some symptoms like nausea, headaches and dizziness for a while but they were likely to go away after a week or so. Until then she wasn't to do anything too strenuous or anything likely to cause her concussion to get worse. Basically if Dean couldn't persuade her to stay at home then she would be on light duties at work. X-rays had also confirmed that her arm was a radiating fracture and so the doctors had tightly bandaged it and given her a sling which she had said she definitely wouldn't be using. Her arm meant that she wouldn't be going out on rescues for about a month. The doctors had wanted Heidi to stay the night but she had been against the idea from the beginning. Dean had promised them that he would bring her back if she got worse and so they agreed that she could leave under the supervision of a competent adult. Heidi had found this part of the agreement very funny, mainly because of the fact that she was under the influence of powerful painkillers to keep her headaches under control.

Lachie had been discharged forty-five minutes after Heidi because he had to have a cast put on his leg which took a while. The doctors had confirmed he also had a concussion and had broken his femur. He would be in plaster for six to eight weeks. When he had heard that, he wasn't impressed as he knew that he would be out of commission for up to nearly four months because of the physiotherapy he would need on his leg after the cast came off. He hated sitting around and not doing anything, he was an action man. And so when Chase told him he could still come to work but he would be doing paperwork he had practically bribed the doctor to take the cast of sooner, and tell Vince that he would be fine to return to duty as soon as it came off. It didn't work and when Chase had brought him home Lachie had sulked the entire time. He was so busy thinking about how he was going to occupy himself for the next couple of months he didn't even notice that Chase hadn't said a word on the way home. When he had made sure Lachie was alright and didn't need anything he had gone straight to bed even though it was only ten o'clock. Lachie still didn't notice that something was wrong.

THE NEXT DAY

When Lachie woke up the first thing he noticed was how quiet it was. Usually when he woke up the television was on and sometimes the shower would be running. But today he heard nothing. He managed to get himself out of bed and reached for the crutches the hospital had given him. He hated them already but there was nothing he could do but grin and bear it. He made his way through to the living room and saw to his amazement how tidy it was. There were no coffee mugs on the center table, the cushions had all been plumped and straightened on the sofa and somebody had actually vacuumed the floor. Lachie stood there with a confused expression on his face and slowly made his way into the kitchen. What he saw made his jaw drop.

The kitchen had been spotlessly cleaned. There were no dirty dishes anywhere; they had all been cleaned and actually put away into the cupboards. The kitchen counters had been wiped down so well they virtually sparkled. There were no ring stains left by mugs that had spilled their contents anywhere in site. There were no dirty clothes lying across the chairs or the floor, and somebody had done a wash and then dried and ironed the clothes before separating them into two piles on the table; one was his pile and the other was Chase's.

Lachie's first thought was that he was part of a practical joke. Chase and the others were playing him and they were going to appear any minute laughing their heads off. His second thought was that he had no idea where Chase was. He tried calling his name a couple of times but got no answer. When he dared to move further into the kitchen in order to get himself a coffee and figure out what was going on he found a note on the fridge written by Chase. It said he had gone for a run and would be back whenever. After reading it he moved over to the coffee machine and switched it on, noticing that it had been thoroughly cleaned and there were no stains anywhere or loose coffee beans stuck in the filter. He then pulled a chair out from the table and sat down trying to make sense of everything. Chase never went for runs in the morning, at least not voluntarily. He glanced at the clock and saw it had only just gone seven o'clock. He only ever went running when Lachie made him and even then it was never this early. In fact neither of them ever got up at this time. They were in bed until half seven, quarter to eight at least. When his coffee was ready he got up to get it and then sat back down again. He was still mulling things over and was still confused as to how their apartment had become so tidy. Chase was the cleaner one out of the two but he was never usually this clean.

When Lachie had finished his coffee he made his way back toward the bathroom to have a shower, but being curious, stopped outside of Chase's room and pushed the door open. He went inside and what he saw made his jaw drop for a second time. The room was immaculate. The floor had been cleaned of any loose clothes, clean or dirty, and there were no cups or plates left anywhere. Everything had been put away and he noticed that the bed had been changed and the floor had been vacuumed, just like the living room. He was still stood in a shocked state when Chase got back.

Chase: 'Hey you're up.'

Lachie turned to look at him, his mouth still hanging open.

Chase: 'You alright? You look like you've seen a ghost.'

Lachie: 'I. . .You. . .Your room. . .The living room. . .Kitchen.'

That was all he managed to say.

Chase: 'Oh you noticed. Yeah I was up early, decided to make myself busy. I cleaned the bathroom as well. I would have done your room but I didn't want to disturb you. I can do it later if you want.'

Lachie just stood there, not able to say anything else.

Chase: 'Are you sure you're alright? Have you taken any pain killers yet, the doctor said you should if your leg's hurting.'

Lachie: 'Am I alright! What about you!'

Chase: 'What do you mean?'

Lachie: 'Chase you're cleaning! You never clean, at least not to this extent! I think the question you should be asking is if you yourself is alright. Did you get hurt yesterday as well?'

Chase: 'No, and I'm fine. I just thought that we should make more of an effort to keep the place clean. I mean Dean and Heidi's place is always clean whenever we go round.'

Lachie: 'Yes but Heidi is a woman. She probably obsesses over cleaning every week. Dean is not the type of guy to clean up, she probably tells him to.'

Chase: 'I wouldn't let Heidi hear you speak about her like that. She'll rip your head off.'

Lachie: 'Chase! Shut up! What is wrong with you? This isn't you. What's going on?'

Chase: 'Nothing I'm fine. If you're going in the shower can you hurry up, I need to have one too.'

At this Chase turned around and walked into the kitchen leaving an exasperated Lachie still stood in the hallway. He sighed and made his way into the bathroom, trying to come up with an answer as to why Chase was acting so weird.

THE SAME DAY - AT HQ

After Lachie and Chase had both showered and got dressed they made their way to HQ. They were going in to fill out their reports from yesterday and find out what the police knew about the explosion. When they got there everybody else was already there, including Dean and Heidi. They went up the bullpen and got talking with them all. They were all waiting for Michelle to start their briefing about yesterday, but since she was on the phone to the police they had all just started talking amongst themselves. Michelle came out of her office several minutes after Lachie and Chase arrived.

Michelle: 'Right, now everybody's here we can start. As you've all probably guessed by now the explosion was no accident. The police and arson investigators aren't entirely sure what to make of it yet, but what they do know is that it looks like the two employees who died in the blast and who you found just before the accident (everybody knew what she meant), were involved in the explosion. Their names, Caitlyn Walker and Josie Adams, were found in no database that the police looked at and all their details on their employee files are fake. The police are now calling them both Jane Does' and are waiting to see if the coroner can get a match on their real identities from either fingerprints or dental records. They also want to see copies of all your reports, so I suggest you try and get them finished as quickly as possible. They aren't wasting time on this, the sooner they find out what happened the happier they will be and the happier the people in charge will be.'

When she finished speaking nobody messed about and so got on with their reports. They knew that in a major police investigation every detail was crucial, and if they were the ones to delay the truth from being found Michelle would be the one to get the heat. A couple of hours later and everybody had pretty much finished, with Chase being the first one. He had taken his report to Michelle and had then gone downstairs to clean the trucks, a task everybody hated and nobody wanted. Vince usually had to force them all downstairs and get them all to do them at the same time as it prevented arguments over who had done it last time and whose turn it was this time. So when Chase had volunteered everybody had been shocked.

Vince: 'Deano, did you brother actually just offer to clean the trucks? By himself?'

Dean: 'Yes, I think he did.'

Lachie: 'Don't be too surprised. I woke up this morning and he had cleaned the living room, kitchen, bathroom and his bedroom. He had done the laundry and everything. He even offered to clean my room.'

Dean: 'He what?!'

Lachie: 'That was my response. I asked him if he was alright and he said he was fine, but I have no idea what's gotten into him.'

Vince: 'Well, it saves me from telling him to do it. I was going to have him clean the trucks by himself for a month anyway, after jinxing us yesterday.'

At Vince's words Heidi quickly turned to look at him, and then it dawned on her. She understood why Chase was acting so weird and why he was cleaning. She finished her report and after having given it to Michelle, told the others that she would go and talk to Chase.

Lachie: 'You think he'll talk to you? I didn't get anything out of him this morning.'

Heidi: 'He'll talk to me. He'll have no choice once I tell him my theory.'

Vince: 'Your theory about what?'

Heidi: 'About why he's cleaning.'

Dean: 'Don't even think about helping him either. The doctor said light duties only.'

Heidi: 'I don't think cleaning a truck classes as strenuous activity, but I wasn't planning on doing it anyway.'

Dean laughed at her snarky response and she smiled at him before turning and walking downstairs, kicking herself for not realising sooner and for not remembering what Chase had said yesterday about Vince having him cleaning the trucks.

DOWNSTAIRS - HEIDI AND CHASE

Heidi watched Chase for a while, waiting at the bottom of the stairs before going to talk to him. She watched as he cleaned the truck, stopping every so often and standing there lost in thought. Then he would start again. Heidi saw the same expression on his face that he wore a year ago when he found out about Jordan. Guilt. Back then he felt guilty for not realising the pain that Jordan was putting Heidi through, and felt that there should have been something he could have done to stop it. Dean and Heidi had both been able to convince him otherwise. However this time Heidi wanted to do it alone.

She knew he felt guilty about her and Lachie getting hurt, not because he felt like he could have prevented the floor from collapsing, but because he felt he could have prevented the whole thing happening, the explosion. When Vince had said he was going to have Chase cleaning the trucks for a month because he jinxed them, Heidi realised that Chase felt guilty for saying the 'Q' word. He thought he jinxed them and so put all the blame over what had happened to her and Lachie on his shoulders. It made Heidi upset that Chase felt that way, and so she knew that it would be better for her to speak to him than anybody else. Heidi and Chase were best friends and so very close to each other, and Heidi didn't want to lose that over a silly accident.

Heidi: 'Hey.'

Chase: 'Hey, you finished your report?'

Heidi: 'Yeah. Thought I'd come and talk to you.'

Chase: 'Keeping me company, you don't have to. And don't think of helping me, this is my job. I don't want you to hurt yourself by doing my job for me.'

Heidi: 'I'm not here to help you, or keep you company. I want you to stop cleaning that truck and come with me.'

Chase: 'Heidi, I can't. If I don't clean these trucks Vince will kill me.'

Heidi: 'No he won't, he never asked you to clean them in the first place.'

Chase: 'That doesn't matter. I offered to do it, and so if I don't -'

Heidi: 'Chase stop it. Put the sponge down right now.'

At her words and the tone of her voice Chase complied, knowing he wasn't going to win this argument. Heidi took him by the arm and led him outside, where he followed her to a secluded spot around the corner from HQ where there was enough privacy for them to talk and not be overheard. There was a small bench where Heidi sat and motioned for him to do the same. When he sat down she took hold of his hand in hers and turned to look straight at him.

Heidi: 'Talk to me Chase.'

Chase: 'I don't know what -'

Heidi: 'Don't tell me you don't know what I mean. You feel guilty. You blame yourself for me and Lachie getting hurt and for the whole explosion.'

At this Chase turned away. However he didn't deny what she said.

Chase: 'How could you know that?'

Heidi: 'Because I know you. Your cleaning has nothing to do with being tidy and wanting to change things around your place a little. You're over-compensating. You think that if you clean your apartment and offer to clean Lachie's room he'll forgive you for what happened, just like you want Vince to forgive you by offering to clean the trucks. But what you don't understand Chase, is there is nothing to forgive, because you did nothing to cause this.'

Chase: 'Yes I did. I jinxed us, all of us. I said that stupid word and then those two women blew up a building. We got called to the site and it ended with you and Lachie being seriously hurt. You could have died and that would have been on me as well. So yes, Lachie has a lot to forgive. And so do you and Vince and the rest of the team.'

Heidi: 'Listen to me. Firstly me and Lachie are not seriously hurt. A fractured arm and broken leg are nothing serious. Somebody breaks a bone in their body everyday. Secondly this was not your fault! We were called to that explosion because we are rescue and that is our job. Even if you hadn't said that word those two women would still have decided to blow that building up. You couldn't have stopped that, nobody could. That word, quiet, doesn't mean anything. In our line of work everyone says that it is a jinx. But it isn't. My friend Ava, the one who works in ICU, she told me that everyday before shift she says to herself and her friends that it will be quiet day at work today. That way if a major accident happens and people are brought to the ICU then it wasn't their fault for jinxing anything. Everyday they say it. In the last three months they have had only two major accidents. Think about how many times they said that it will be a quiet day in those three months, and it wasn't a quiet day on only two occasions. People die in the ICU everyday but the people who work there don't say it is their fault because they jinxed it. Have I said that yesterday was your fault? Has Lachie? We haven't said it because it isn't true. We know that. I need you to know it too Chase.'

Heidi said those last words with a pleading tone to her voice, and when she stopped talking Chase thought about what Heidi said. The more he thought about it the more he came to realise that part of what she said was true. People do die everyday in hospitals and doctors say all the time that there are quiet days. People also get hurt everyday after saying that they have had a quiet day but don't think that they have jinxed themselves. He turned to look at Heidi and watched as she brushed a tear away that she thought he hadn't seen.

Chase: 'Heidi, hey are you alright? Are you in pain?'

Heidi: 'No I'm not in pain. It upsets me that you think that any of this is your fault. It really does. How can you be my best friend, my brother, when you are blaming yourself for everything. I know how you feel. I felt that way for a while after Jordan left. I felt that everybody blamed me for him having to leave.'

Chase: 'But Heidi, that wasn't your fault. He brought that on himself.'

Heidi: 'I know that now. But Dean had to try really hard to convince me and to make me realise that it wasn't my fault.'

Chase: 'Just like you are doing with me.'

Heidi: 'Yes. Blaming yourself helps nothing Chase, especially when there is no real reason to put all of that blame on yourself in the first place.'

Chase didn't say anything for a while, just sat there thinking silently to himself. The next time he spoke Heidi felt like she could finally breathe again.

Chase: 'I said the word quiet, but it didn't cause the explosion.'

Heidi: 'No.'

Chase: 'I said the word quiet but it didn't cause the floor to collapse.'

Heidi: 'No.'

Chase: 'I wasn't responsible for you or Lachie getting hurt.'

Heidi: 'No.'

At this realisation and acceptance that what happened wasn't his fault Chase started to cry. But his tears were of happiness and relief. Heidi put her arms round him and he did the same to her, embracing her into a hug that he never wanted to end. As Chase cried into her shoulder, Heidi felt tears falling down her own face as well, and was relieved that she had gotten through to him at last. The last thing she wanted was for their relationship to be changed because of this, and his relationship with Lachie. They were too important. Families stick together and don't blame each other for things that happen out of their control. There was one more thing Heidi needed to do with Chase that would ease his conscience once and for all, but right now that could wait. Right now she was perfectly happy to stay in his arms and be his rock, just like he had been hers plenty of times before.


	7. Chapter 7

BACK UPSTAIRS WITH THE TEAM

Once Chase had stopped crying and had composed himself Heidi told him that they were going to go upstairs and she was going to ask everybody whether they blamed him for yesterday's events and for her and Lachie being injured.

Heidi: 'I know you now know it wasn't your fault, but trust me, this will show to you that nobody blamed you in the first place. I don't want you to say anything, just let me do the talking.'

Chase: 'Okay. Wait what if they do say they blame me? With the whole jinxing thing.'

Heidi: 'If they do it will be as a joke but I am sure that once they see what I am talking about they won't say anything like that.'

Chase: 'Right. Well, lets go. Oh and Heidi, thank you. For everything. You are always there for me and I couldn't have done this without you.'

Heidi: 'That's what families do.'

They smiled at each other and made their back inside the station, Heidi telling Chase that there was no need for him to be nervous, and Chase replying that from where he was standing there was a lot to be nervous about. He didn't say anything to Heidi but Chase was terrified about this. He was worried that if somebody were to say that they got the callout because he jinxed them, they would be serious. That would devastate him, and everything Heidi had just said about it not being his fault would in his mind, seem false. It would seem like she said those things to convince him it wasn't his fault but really she blamed him too. He decided to put all of his worries and doubts to the back of his mind and concentrate on trying not to look nervous. As they reached the bullpen he could feel everyone turn to look at him and so focussed on Heidi and what she was saying.

Heidi: 'Hey guys, can you all come here. I need to ask you all a question.'

Vince: 'Hope this is important Heidi-ho, this is a place of work and not circle time. Michelle's talking to the cops again so I wouldn't disturb her. Chase I thought you were cleaning the trucks?'

Heidi: 'Chase won't be cleaning the trucks Vince, at least not by himself. And yes this is important.'

Once everybody had gathered around except for Michelle, and she had their attention Heidi took hold of Chase's hand and pulled him away from the wall to stand beside her. She could feel him shaking and so kept hold of his hand to show him he wasn't alone and there was nothing to be afraid of.

Heidi: 'I need you all to be truthful with your answers and to not make any jokes about this. This is important for Chase to hear and so I need you all to listen very carefully. Yesterday may not be an accident in the eyes of the police, and it is probably true that those two women blew that building up deliberately for some unknown reason. However when Lachie and I fell through that unstable floor, that was an accident.'

Vince: 'What else would it be. Nobody knew that it was too dangerous to be up there.'

Heidi: 'Exactly. So I need to ask you all if any of you blame Chase for everything that happened yesterday.'

Dean: 'What are you talking about Heidi?'

Vince: 'Of course its not Chase's fault! He didn't blow that building up.'

Heidi: 'Do any of you hold Chase responsible for the floor caving in that hurt me and Lachie.'

Lara: 'Why would we?'

Dean: 'Wait, you didn't think this was your fault, did you?'

Dean turned to look at Chase and when his words and Heidi's question sunk in with everybody else they also turned to look at him and were shocked that he thought that yesterday was his fault.

Lara: 'Chase, why would you think that!'

Vince: 'Mate what happened was an accident, pure and simple. You couldn't have prevented any of it, none of us could.'

Lachie: 'This is why you've been acting strange. Trying to make up for something that you think you caused. But how could you have. . .'

Lachie's sentence trailed off when he realised that Chase blamed himself for the jinx that everybody teased him about.

Lachie: 'The jinx. You thought you caused this by saying it was quiet.'

When everybody realised that this was what had been up with Chase they all silently cursed themselves for making Chase think that he was to blame. Chase had kept his head down the entire time, not wanting to look at anybody in fear of being laughed at. He felt Heidi lift his chin up so brought his head up so his eyes met hers and saw her smiling at him.

Heidi: 'Do you believe me now? I told you nobody blamed you.'

Chase: 'I know. '

He whispered those two words that Heidi was waiting to hear and when she did she kissed him on the cheek and watched as Dean got up and embraced his brother, telling him to never think like that again. He also told him that he could talk to him anytime about anything he wanted to. When they pulled away Chase wiped away tears that had formed in his eyes before Lachie hopped up and told him that next time he wanted to apologize for something, to actually tell them what he was apologizing for, instead of making everyone worried about him. And before people started to think he had turned into a housewife or something. Lachie also told him that the only time he wanted Chase cleaning his room is never. He liked his room the way it was as he knew where to find everything. Chase said that that was debatable, but laughed along with him. Vince and Lara came up, and while Lara gave him a hug Vince clapped him on the back and told him that if he thought a jinx could actually happen then he was more of a goose than he first thought.

Vince: 'Right then people, now that that is cleared up and out the way, because you've all finished your paperwork you can all go down and help Chase clean the trucks.'

Everybody turned to stare at him, but he just gave them his usual smile that said I'm the boss and I tell you what to do.

Vince: 'They still need cleaning and you've got nothing better to do. Heidi, you and I are going to do a stock check of the trucks and make sure all of the gear is working and ready to go.

Lachie: 'What about me? I can't move much but I could supervise.'

(His way of trying to get out of 'chores.')

Vince: 'You aren't going to sit on your bum doing nothing. (Vince knew what he was trying to do) No I have a special job for you.'

At this everybody but Lachie starting smiling and tried to stifle a laugh. Instead Lachie looked rather confused as to what this 'special job' was and why everybody thought it was so funny. Vince walked over to his desk and picked up a rather large pile of folders that all had green stickers on them. The stickers indicated that all the folders Vince was holding were reports, the green stickers indicated they were specifically Lachie's reports.

Vince: 'Mr Gallagher I'm sure you'll have fun completing these reports that you thought you could slip under the radar.'

Nobody could hold their laughs in anymore, and they all started laughing so hard it brought Michelle out of her office.

Michelle: 'What on earth is going on out here?'

Vince: 'Ah, Michelle. I've just informed our middle Gallagher how he will be spending the rest of today.'

He showed her the pile of reports in his hands and Michelle smiled.

Michelle: 'Every time. Lachie, nobody gets unfinished reports past Vince I'm afraid. He knows all the tricks in the book from when he used to do it. He still does if I'm not mistaken.'

She said this while pointing to a pile of folders sat on the edge of her own desk.

Michelle: 'These will be making their way back to you shortly.'

Everybody started laughing again, this time Lachie included. When they all calmed down and stopped laughing they all got on with what they were supposed to be doing. Michelle went back into her office to sort through the reports of yesterday's accident that the team had given to her while Lachie made himself comfortable at his desk to start the mountain of paperwork Vince had given to him. Vince and the others made their way downstairs where Dean, Chase and Lara got on with cleaning the trucks and Heidi started helping Vince to make sure the trucks were fully stocked and ready to go, as well as all the equipment they used on a daily basis.

This was what happened on a regular day at the station when they had no callouts. It was nice once in a while to be able to have a calm day. It gave everyone chance to reflect on how much people really depended on them everyday to be ready to dive in to the toughest of situations, and how important it was for them as a team to be able to work together and talk to each other about everything. They needed to trust each other more than anybody, and today, with what happened with Chase, they realised that that was the most important thing a team could have.


End file.
